Vikings and Trolls and Projectors - OH MY!

Since our family trip to (of all places) the Baltic Sea last summer, my mind has been opened, and I've become a bit of a Nordophile. It is my intention to return to Norway at some point in the future because... the Fjords are calling me.

About a month ago, I'd been giving into sitting in isolation for 10 or 20 minutes at a time, trying to come up with an idea for a painting... which never works, BUT after one such session, after again unsuccessfully perusing the brain for any scrap of an idea or compelling combination of ideas, I turned, as one does... to YouTube. Browsing, viewing, clicking... I happened upon Rick Steve's Europe series, most episodes of which if you're interested, happen to be view-able for free through YouTube.

I began to watch his exploration and tour highlights of the city of Venice, which gave me some ideas, but nothing spoke to me in that episode ... for Venice. It was in the viewing of the great Italian city, which reminded me of my love for travel, and also my past trip. While having not seen the actual grand and breathtaking Fjords of the Western Coast of Norway, I nevertheless had my idea. I would make a large love-letter piece to Norway.

As far as inspiration, I fell into a desire to make an epic Fjord landscape view, with dramatic lighting, a Viking ship, and even... trolls in the distance. The piece would mimic the work of the Hudson River School landscape painters of the 1800s, with their use of texture, space, other-worldly light.

I immediately ran out and bought a large 36" by 24" canvas... which sat wrapped for a few days... then a few more... Finally, I tore off the plastic wrap, and stared at the pristine primed white canvas. I knew where I would put it in the house, and I knew it had to have a fancy ornate frame to compliment the Hudson River School visual I was going for, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to sketch on it... Paralyzed with fear, I took to the Surface Pro 3, and sketched, and erased, and sketched. A few nights later, I colored it, fleshing out a scheme that pleased me. But there was still a hindrance, a block from touching the canvas itself.

A co-worker and friend of mine enlightened me to the possibility of using a projector. I realized, this might be an expensive investment, for such a little step in the process (I would only use it to trace the general layout and shapes, and would fill it in later). But I made the leap.

Soon I had a small pocket-sized Phillips HDMI projector, and was able to use it to quickly trace the general composition from the Surface Photoshop document onto the canvas with pencil. It sure beat drawing a grid to transfer (as I've woefully done in the past).

The lines are faint, but that's where I am today...

The next step I suppose will be to fully render-out the details in pencil, indicate some major lights and darks, and once finished with that, I will take a cue from Donato Giancola and lay on a clear coat of acrylic, setting the pencil, but also providing a thin base which will allow the white of the canvas to peak a bit through the acrylic underpainting, as well as the layers of oil paint I put on later.

I'm still vexed. Do I have the strength?

UPDATE EDIT :::: (8/27)

I reworked the composition a bit, with a hint more depth in terms of lines, direction, and a hint more detail. The trolls were gargantuan, so I reduced their size a tad (in looking at photo references of fjords, I'm beginning to see how they are actually more vast and wide and... tall than I had even originally assumed, even 80 foot tall trolls would be dwarfed by the landscape). I also added some large moss-covered, and... troll-moved rocks on the right-hand coastline.

Minecraft v Painting

OKAY!...

Now that the sugar-lack withdrawal (since I gave it up for 2 weeks) RANT is out of the way, let's get down to business.

Creativity.
How best is it expressed for me?
I'm of two minds at the moment: MINECRAFT -or- PAINTING
To describe why this is a dilemma for me, let's look at each one-by-one.

MINECRAFT has been one of the most fundamentally life-altering happenings I've had in my life. In the fall of 2011, I was visiting my college-friend Stefan at his home, and he desired to show me this 'awesome new game' which he had recently purchased. Via the computer, he showed me a 3-Dimensional world, where you could fly, build, and even function in, using a vast variety of materials. Being a die-hard LEGO fan from childhood (who wasn't?), didn't quite know what I was looking at, at the time. Sure I thought it was amazing, if a little comical (the use of retro-looking simple pixels wasn't entirely off-putting, but was definitely different, given the modern age of gaming). I had to go home, download it myself, and realize its full potential, which didn't take long. Soon, I was building skyscrapers into the side of mountains, building places I'd had in my dreams, even including my sister in on the fun, and all before Christmas that year.

In the almost 5 years since, I've built things with Stefan on his personal server, built things with other people on public servers, and even built things with my former boss. Yet all of them, at least my close friends seem to share a passing interest in it. Fleeting even. Through these 5 years, I was the one who remained. While they enjoyed the game's intricate puzzle, its unique flavor and even the functional aspects of the program for several weeks, a couple months at most, I always remained behind in the virtual environment, building castles, temples, cities, churches, even weathered ruins of buildings that never existed prior in a state of over-grown decay, like Leonardo DiCaprio's character and his late wife building an entire dream world in the film INCEPTION. 

At this current point, I am on a public server, and interacting with several other players, most of whom I sadly assume to be somewhere on the other side 21, and I'm finding they are enjoying my skill set, even commissioning me with in-game payment to build them hi-rises, fancy lighthouses, or even cathedrals.

I have to stop.

While some might call it sad or interesting, like an alcoholic, something is calling me to stop cold-turkey. Here's why:

PAINTING (as well as drawing) until 2011 had been MY craft and outlet. I'd forgotten what it meant to express my inner-world that way until a couple months ago, I went back to NJ for Father's Day, as well as to visit my work-office. There was a going-away party for one coworker, and as one of the activities of the day, we had an in-office paint-party. I being a somewhat experienced artist kind of deviated from the methodical paint-and-sip composition, and ended up painting my most complete painting of the past 6 years:

I gave it to Mom. Love you Mom.

But there was something about creating something tangible. Something you could walk around that wasn't in a virtual environment. Paintings give radiant light and color, which makes seeing one in the flesh a surreal experience, compared to the daily viewing of photos and/or paintings on the computer. Not only that, the painting process that night left me with such an other-worldy experience. I was on fire. The others in the room probably felt it too. Hours passed, but I didn't care. I started at 5, and when I looked down again, it was 9pm. The same happens with minecraft, but after I log-off, or shut down the computer. I'm left feeling somewhat fulfilled, but... sad. Painting, like a gorgeous piece of music, leaves a resounding echo of fulfillment and a certain excitement that can't be put into words, other than, I. MUST. CONTINUE!...

Minecraft is my addiction. My drug. It leads to instant gratification. It's also rather unhealthy. While during painting, one might be standing, moving around, stepping back, and being generally aware of time, and one's surroundings, while the mind may be preoccupied. Minecraft, like INCEPTION is being trapped, pulled into a dreamlike box outside of the real world. And when that happens, the mind is fed tremendously, but the body suffers just as much.

I've gained weight from all the sitting. At this age of thirty and three, gravity is not my friend. Sometimes I don't see the sun for an entire day.

It has to stop. I have to change.

Not only that, I have a tremendous desire to REIGNITE the fire that painting brings. Though, and it is with a certain regret that I fear I've altered my creative process. Minecraft, of course, speaks to me in obvious ways. Building 3-dimensionally, and with a program BUILT for the fantastic realm is right up my alley. And painting, while I would create the same subject, might find it difficult to render, or get right in the 2-dimensional frame. Sometimes I think it is that challenge which Minecraft lacks, which makes painting all-the-more fulfilling.

While I have tried to do both, I think the true way of finding my painting voice again is to hit pause on Minecraft. Not indefinitely, but for a good long while. Perhaps, in time, I won't even need it anymore, as the painting hobby might take off in new and perhaps even lucrative ways.

The time has come to close the laptop, and dust off the paint brushes.

Resetting the Mind

I'm going to quote an old friend of mine, from a thought she posted yesterday morning on Facebook:

"I have never found myself so lost, professionally and personally, and have no idea what to do, or where to go. How did i ever get here? How do i get out? And how do i sort out this whole happiness/satisfaction thing? And courage...I could use some of that, too."

This thought, whether divine placement, or just an example of the general haze of millennial confusion, which many of my peers have and which I just happened to notice and resonate with, happens to be a fine example of my current state as well.

Many feelings have arisen this past week alone, feelings of bafflement and even hopelessness. In light of the impending US Presidential election, I watch the news, peruse the Facebook feed, various news websites, and even the coverage of the Olympics. I've come to the conclusion that so much of what we see is obviously put in front of us on purpose, usually by someone with a large wallet. There is no free speech anymore. What you see is not the official news. It's news that has been skewed to get money or votes from the general population.

I watched a short clip of "Adam Ruins Nutrition" not too long ago, and while this may or may not also be propaganda, it certainly seems to create a compelling anti-establishment view of how even our breakfast cereals aren't as nutritious as we hear them to be.

I first knew there was something wrong when viewing various television commercials in High School or college. Being brought into the world of Marketing through the major of Graphic Design, I began to see how companies can make the most horrific product, Mickey-D's Chicken Nuggets, for example... into works of art through tonal lighting, proper photography or film composition, and careful wording... when in reality, ... they say (heh)... Chicken Nuggets aren't even made from true healthy chickens, but instead are made from mutant flesh creatures, genetic monstrosities created in a lab, with the flavor of chicken added in for taste... some without heads, etc.

I'm very affected by this, emotionally, if not spiritually. I'm haunted by horror movies at the very fact that people's minds come UP with the ideas presented in the films or TV shows. The sociopath tendencies of the two major candidates running right now... just freaks me out. I can't watch a movie anymore based in reality. I've turned to High-Fantasy (minus Game of Thrones), Science Fiction, and old-style horror instead, namely the weird creature horror fiction from the mind of H.P. Lovecraft, but also the mysterious and compelling "Stranger Things" series from Netflix.

It may sound like a giant cliche, but I debate turning it all off. No Facebook feeds, no news with subliminal messaging. Just silence. The glorious silence of the mind at play.

I'm a painter who doesn't paint. Perhaps if I block the onslaught of corrupt media, I'll be better able to contact my inner voice again. The voice of my creative child, the one starving to death in the bowels of my mind, with old broken toys and empty oil tubes.

There are truly beautiful things in this world. Things the news never covers. Things I probably never have heard of. I need to get out of my routine, get outside and purposefully seek these things out. Perhaps unlike my friend and my current state, I'll find a sense of happiness and satisfaction, whether in my art making, my work, new friends, or even food and nutrition.

Happiness and satisfaction are only found through God, I believe. And God is not fake chicken, xenophobia, super-delegates, or high-fructose corn syrup. God is in determination, personal strength, fresh air, and puppies. God is in creation, not destruction or walls. God is in truth, beauty, freedom, and above all things... love.