Now that the sugar-lack withdrawal (since I gave it up for 2 weeks) RANT is out of the way, let's get down to business.
Creativity.
How best is it expressed for me?
I'm of two minds at the moment: MINECRAFT -or- PAINTING
To describe why this is a dilemma for me, let's look at each one-by-one.
MINECRAFT has been one of the most fundamentally life-altering happenings I've had in my life. In the fall of 2011, I was visiting my college-friend Stefan at his home, and he desired to show me this 'awesome new game' which he had recently purchased. Via the computer, he showed me a 3-Dimensional world, where you could fly, build, and even function in, using a vast variety of materials. Being a die-hard LEGO fan from childhood (who wasn't?), didn't quite know what I was looking at, at the time. Sure I thought it was amazing, if a little comical (the use of retro-looking simple pixels wasn't entirely off-putting, but was definitely different, given the modern age of gaming). I had to go home, download it myself, and realize its full potential, which didn't take long. Soon, I was building skyscrapers into the side of mountains, building places I'd had in my dreams, even including my sister in on the fun, and all before Christmas that year.
In the almost 5 years since, I've built things with Stefan on his personal server, built things with other people on public servers, and even built things with my former boss. Yet all of them, at least my close friends seem to share a passing interest in it. Fleeting even. Through these 5 years, I was the one who remained. While they enjoyed the game's intricate puzzle, its unique flavor and even the functional aspects of the program for several weeks, a couple months at most, I always remained behind in the virtual environment, building castles, temples, cities, churches, even weathered ruins of buildings that never existed prior in a state of over-grown decay, like Leonardo DiCaprio's character and his late wife building an entire dream world in the film INCEPTION.
At this current point, I am on a public server, and interacting with several other players, most of whom I sadly assume to be somewhere on the other side 21, and I'm finding they are enjoying my skill set, even commissioning me with in-game payment to build them hi-rises, fancy lighthouses, or even cathedrals.
While some might call it sad or interesting, like an alcoholic, something is calling me to stop cold-turkey. Here's why:
PAINTING (as well as drawing) until 2011 had been MY craft and outlet. I'd forgotten what it meant to express my inner-world that way until a couple months ago, I went back to NJ for Father's Day, as well as to visit my work-office. There was a going-away party for one coworker, and as one of the activities of the day, we had an in-office paint-party. I being a somewhat experienced artist kind of deviated from the methodical paint-and-sip composition, and ended up painting my most complete painting of the past 6 years:
I gave it to Mom. Love you Mom.
But there was something about creating something tangible. Something you could walk around that wasn't in a virtual environment. Paintings give radiant light and color, which makes seeing one in the flesh a surreal experience, compared to the daily viewing of photos and/or paintings on the computer. Not only that, the painting process that night left me with such an other-worldy experience. I was on fire. The others in the room probably felt it too. Hours passed, but I didn't care. I started at 5, and when I looked down again, it was 9pm. The same happens with minecraft, but after I log-off, or shut down the computer. I'm left feeling somewhat fulfilled, but... sad. Painting, like a gorgeous piece of music, leaves a resounding echo of fulfillment and a certain excitement that can't be put into words, other than, I. MUST. CONTINUE!...
Minecraft is my addiction. My drug. It leads to instant gratification. It's also rather unhealthy. While during painting, one might be standing, moving around, stepping back, and being generally aware of time, and one's surroundings, while the mind may be preoccupied. Minecraft, like INCEPTION is being trapped, pulled into a dreamlike box outside of the real world. And when that happens, the mind is fed tremendously, but the body suffers just as much.
I've gained weight from all the sitting. At this age of thirty and three, gravity is not my friend. Sometimes I don't see the sun for an entire day.
It has to stop. I have to change.
Not only that, I have a tremendous desire to REIGNITE the fire that painting brings. Though, and it is with a certain regret that I fear I've altered my creative process. Minecraft, of course, speaks to me in obvious ways. Building 3-dimensionally, and with a program BUILT for the fantastic realm is right up my alley. And painting, while I would create the same subject, might find it difficult to render, or get right in the 2-dimensional frame. Sometimes I think it is that challenge which Minecraft lacks, which makes painting all-the-more fulfilling.
While I have tried to do both, I think the true way of finding my painting voice again is to hit pause on Minecraft. Not indefinitely, but for a good long while. Perhaps, in time, I won't even need it anymore, as the painting hobby might take off in new and perhaps even lucrative ways.
The time has come to close the laptop, and dust off the paint brushes.
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